Confessions of a stage announcer

Damnation Festival 2005, a festival “by the fans, for the fans”. A festival that concentrates on British metal (apart from the Terrorizer stage headliner Entombed all the bands on the bill hail from these fair Isles) and one that I have been involved with on the periphery since it got underway. However, with just over a month to go I gathered some money together and invested. I wondered what job they would find for me.

“How do you fancy being main stage announcer?” Gav asked me one night (probably promted by my girlfriend who always wanted to see me on the stage…). “Pete is doing the Terrorizer stage, I think you’d do a great job on the other stage” he adds. It doesn’t really take much to convince me, I’ve always been keen to get up on any stage that will have me, from amateur dramatics to bit parts on Coronation Street and Hollyoaks. “If everyone else agrees” I say, quite excitedly “and you don’t think the 90% of the audience that wont have any idea who the hell I am wonder what the hell this tall beardy weirdy is doing talking to them….”.

Two internet polls later (on the Damnation and Download fourms) the idea has gone down well. My worries about being a nobody getting up on the stage to introduce the feature acts is tempered by a visit to the Dominion Autumn Assault in Hull, where a member of their team has no trouble at all. So I start putting my mind to what I’m actually going to say when I get up there….

Fast forward. 16th October. Along with Carrie, Gav and Cat we’ve rented an apartment. After getting up at stupid o’clock to watch the Chinese Grand Prix live, we get some breakfast down us (those damn sausages took an age to cook!) and Gav and I set out on the first task of the day – collecting the riders. A stack of cans of lager, cider, bitter, stout and water are loaded into Gav’s car. The suspension is creaking as we drive around trying to figure out the one way system until we finally get parked outside Jilly’s and unload with the help of Mike and Pete who have been there since 10 sorting things out. We return to the apartment for the portable fridge and coolers, and get them to Jilly’s too. The Inbreds have arrived and are starting to unload, so Gav stays behind with Cat and I take the car back with Carrie and we get showered for the day, and pick up all the remaining bits and pieces – Terrorizer competition prizes, and such. I pace around a bit while Carrie finishes her hair running through in my mind the introductions I’ve come up with for each of the bands. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on most of them, but I’ve left my notes with Gav back at Jilly’s. I’m probably learning it better this way though.

I get in at about 1pm and everything is in full swing. Vans keep pulling up outside, and I help with some of the unloading. I also take time to have a good look around so I know where everything is and retrieve my notes. Then I plonk our bags down in “The Fish Bowl”, which is the name for the main stage back stage area. It’s a dark dingy room and there only seems to be one light, but I get things together and go for another wander looking for my passes, and to see if there is anything needs doing. There is plenty, FourwayKill have turned up so I stow some of their amps in The Fish Bowl and meet Clive, their new bass player. The merchandise room is well set up now, so I go and say Hi to Gav’s Mum who is running it, and have a chat with his Dad – the legendary “Cannonball Bob”. Jay from FourwayKill is here with his girlfriend Penny, so I have a bit of a chinwag. It seems there is plenty of people buzzing around, and as it’s getting to three o’clock I realise that I haven’t had any lunch yet and I’m getting hungry, so Carrie and Bri (logo and merchandise designer) come with me to the Pizza Hut a couple of doors down.

Inside I run into a bunch of Download boardies that I’ve met on previous occasions, so we sit on the table next to theirs and have a chat while we’re eating. A couple of groups of boardies wander past the window, some tapping loudly and mouthing hellos. A few more vans turn up, and there are more and more metal looking people wandering up and down outside. Excitement is looming, so we finish our food and seeing that the time is getting on we abandon our plan to go and meet some more boardies in the Grand Central and go back to Jilly’s. There are a handful of people queuing up outside by now. There is still an hour to go, and there are 200 tickets left so we take this as a good sign and go inside.

Word gets around that Gorerotted are a crate of beer down on their rider. Someone mentions that Sainsburys are doing 8 cans of Carlsberg for a fiver, so Bri and I rush off to get a case of those. On our return Raging Speedhorn are soundchecking. I have a word with Dave, Jilly’s manager about my introducing and he tells me I’ll have a microphone at the side of the stage that I just have to pick up and use. My own microphone! Speedhorn are running through some Slayer riffs, so after watching for a while I wander back to the door to see what else is going on.

There is a mild air of panic. SikTh haven’t arrived yet, and some of the organisers are worried about the prospect of trying to load their stuff in if the doors are open and the audience is milling about in the hall. There is also excitement, because if you take a look outside the front door there is a queue with at least a hundred people in it snaking away from the box office. This is the queue for those who haven’t got tickets yet, which is encouraging. I return to the main stage and Speedhorn have finished. I help Gee put up the banner at the back of the stage, and the kit for Allerjen is being set up. SikTh arrive moments before the doors open and manage to get their equipment stowed away moments before the audience starts to trickle in. Phil the sound engineer lets me have a quick soundcheck with the mic, and everything is ready. Allerjen are due on in 10 minutes.

My throat is getting dry, and I feel like I need the toilet. A quick whiz round everyone and Carrie gets me a pint, which settles me a bit. I go backstage, and meet up with the Allerjen guys. 5:15pm ticks round, and I get the nod from them that they’re ready to go out and start. A big deep breath, and I head to the side of stage curtain…

The lights are bright, the audience is dimly lit. I pick up the microphone and stride to the centre of the stage. “Hellooo Damnation” I say stridently. I can hear my voice coming out of the speakers. Good. All ok so far. “How are we all?” I ask – a cheer. Excellent. I haven’t been bottled. Mind you, there are only a few dozen people in so far. “Welcome to the inaugural Damnation Festival.”. It’s going well. My memory of exactly what I said gets a bit dim from here, but I think I ask for shouts our from the Damnation and Download Festival boards, knowing that there are a lot from both here. The reponse is satisfying for the number of people here, so I introduce myself as HullHellHalifax (my Download and Damnation board name), then get down to the spiel I’d rehearsed. “They start heavy, stay heavy and end heavy” I promise. I’m aware that they’ve taken the stage behind me “So please welcome ALLERJEN!”. There is a loud roar from the crowd as a wall of noise starts up behind me and I leave the stage. Through the curtain and another deep breath. “I forgot to mention the raffle for the banner” I think to myself, and rush out front to catch the band.

They’re incredibly good, probably one of the best opening acts I’ve seen. The crowd is getting into it, and I get congratulations from those that I bump into. I know Gee says something nice to me at some point, maybe now, maybe later. It’s one of those things that starts to blur as the day begins to accelerate past me. I dash into the bar and grab a bottle of water, before nipping downstairs to catch a couple of songs by Dawn Of Chaos. It’s hard to stay down there though, I find myself getting twitchy if I can’t hear whether or not there is a band on the main stage, so I return upstairs for the rest of Allerjens set. When I return, the crowd is considerably bigger and rocking out. Some more boardies meet me in the crowd, and when the set finishes I rush back to congratulate the lads, and to find Forever Never to make sure they know they have an intro.

Things are running well to time here, and I manage to find Chris, the vocalist with FourwayKill. I ask him if he’s going to be doing “The Messenger” with Mercury Rain, and he tells me that he is and it’ll be at the end of the set. This comes as quite a disappointment as I’ll be introducing The Inbreds at about that time, it’s cutting things tight. A joke about The Inbreds getting the shortest intro ever, and I go to get ready for Forever Never. The stage is all ready, Phil the sound engineer tells me he is ready to go so we give it two minutes. Out I go, the crowd is bigger this time and I remember to give a bit of chat about the banner and the fact that we’re going to raffle it off – but I haven’t made sure I know where to get the tickets from, or how much they are. Luckily Gav prompts me from the crowd, and it’s time for the intro “Here’s Metal with a capital “M” – Forever Never”. Again the wall of noise as I leave the stage. Another band of awesomeness. More people milling around, more introductions. I watch half their set, they really have the crowd eating from the palm of their hand. I make off to the bar, get myself another bottle of water and go to try and catch a bit of Mercury Rain who should have just started. When I get down there the band is still setting up, so I have a word with Pete who tells me they are running about 15 minutes late. This is good, as it means I can do The Inbreds intro and still catch the duet. I return for the end of Forever Never, and go to find The Inbreds.

I find Joe Smith (The Inbreds frontman) in the side of stage. “Is there any thing you want me to say when I introduce you?” I ask. His eyes light up – quite scary under the UV lights, he looks almost demonic. “Yeah” he grins “Tell em we’re gonna rip their fucking heads off and shove it up their ass!”. I’ve already worked out something, and this is going to fit in nicely “Sure” I say. He grabs me by the arms “In fact, make it ‘shove it up your cunting ass. You’ll say that wont you?”. I laugh, assure him that I will. “Nice one”. I go out and there is a huge crowd now, squashed up against the barrier. I notice a Download boardie front and centre, “Hi Cam” I say without thinking, I guess it would be rude not to. I run through my speech and the crowd roars with approval as the band plug in and start their dirty raw noise. I rush out front where the crowd is going nuts. Hanging on for a couple of songs I dash into the bar for a pint and then get downstairs and just manage to catch Chris Neighbour performing “The Messenger” with Mercury Rain. Excellent, you don’t get to see that often. I chat with a few friends I find down there, but I’m really in a hurry to get back for the rest of The Inbreds set. In my rush I stumble up the stairs, spilling most of my beer. My hope that I’ve not been seen is dashed by a voice behind me “Is that HullHellHalifax I see falling up the stairs?” I turn around, and find myself meeting yet another boardie, the delectable Download Cat, this time in less than auspicious circumstances. I’m collared another couple of times by people on the way back to catch the end of The Inbreds and see Joe pouring Jaegermeister all over the front rows of the audience and working the crowd like a true pro.

FourwayKill up next. I walk into The Fish Bowl to have a quick word, and get collared by Justin Hill and Dan Foord who are desperate for some water, theirs seeming to have been swiped. I rush out to find Gav and let him know that they’re short of water. Upon my return to the side stage area it becomes apparent that we’re only just running to time now. I’m talking to Chris in the wings when the sound of soundchecking becomes the sound of an intro. “If you’re going to do your thing, you’d better do it now” he advises me. I dash onto the stage, grab the mic and only just have time to blurt out my line about SAS metal and face shredding metal, but it has the desired effect and Chris bounds onto the stage and starts the assault. I head out front and for once manage to catch the entire set.

Next up is Charger, and I ask them to give me the nod when it’s time to go. Things are about five minutes behind now so I know there is no hope in hell of them coming off stage for my intro. They’re having trouble with one of guitar amps, and the sound engineer is running back and forth between the stage and trying to sort it. When I eventually get the nod, I start talking about the raffle again, but I’m getting some nasty feedback myself and it throws me off. I manage to just get my intro out but it doesn’t feel as good as the earlier ones and I skulk offstage and out front. After about half a song I decide they’re not really to my taste so I go to the bar to get some water. While there, Ali Price the photographer that FourwayKill has brought along with them bends my ear about there being no “press alley” – a gap between the audience and the stage for a photographer to get in. I take on board what she says and promise to mention it to the rest of the organisers at a later date. A quick wander round follows, and I catch up with some more friends before heading backstage again. The SikTh guys still need more water even though they were given a couple of bottles, so I dash off and find someone to deal with it. I return to chat about their intro, and Justin tells me that minimalism is the way to go. “I’m a minimalist, even if SikTh isn’t. So can you just say ‘This is SikTh’ and leave it at that?”. I agree, as it means less for me to remember.

I catch Mikee Goodman in the wings, and I’m having a chat about Pitchshifter (who are one of my favourite bands and who SikTh know quite well, and Mikee joined them on stage on their last tour everynight) just as a case of water arrives! Now they’re happy and I get out of the way while Justin & Mikee warm up. I step out on stage and it’s obvious they’re having problems setting up. Dan isn’t happy as nothing is coming out of his monitors. Dave (Jilly’s manager) and Phil the sound engineer are running around unplugging thing, changing leads, anything they can to get his sound going. There are a lot of people side of stage now, and the largest press of people in front of the stage that have been here all day. SikTh were a massive draw for Damnation, and the fact that things aren’t going right looks to be worrying Gav. Finally they declare themselves to be ready to go, which is a relief all round as the audience are getting restless. I grab my mic, start speaking and…. Nothing! Zip, Zilch, Nada. In the rush to sort the problems the mic has been unplugged, so I just slink back into the wings and SikTh burst into life. Their sound is a rich, complex and heavy noise and they’re quite incredible to watch. The crowd is going completely nuts now, and the stage is being invaded by crowdsurfers who are being promptly escorted off by the security staff. We watch in disbelief as Gav’s Dad is marched past us, followed a couple of minutes later by Grant, a friend of ours and fellow boardie (spititout). And then Gav’s Dad is marched past us again! We decide to go and watch from out front now, and enjoy the intensity out there.

SikTh finish triumphantly, and I have to run around to find out what is supposed to be happening with the raffle. It’supposed to be drawn and announced before Raging Speedhorn, but no one seems to have told the people selling the tickets. I finally manage to track down all the books, get a ticket drawn and am about to dash off to the stage when I hear Speedhorn starting their set. Too late! Never mind, I’m sure that Speedhorn never wanted a raffle being drawn as their intro. I decide I can announce the ticket afterwards – it’ll work better that way. I have a word with Phil, who assures me he’ll leave a mic live after Speedhorn do their stuff. I catch up with Carrie, and we head downstairs to catch some of Entombed’s set, which is quite amazing and the crowd are loving it. I hang around for three songs but want to get back upstairs so I don’t miss the end of Speedhorn.

I get side of stage for the final couple of songs, but as I do I notice that Jon Loughlin’s mic has gone dead. He’s singing but nothing is coming out. When he realises it’s dead I see him walk over, pick up the mic I’ve been using which is also a backup for the bands. The band is throwing themselves about quite aggressively, and I start trying to keep track of the microphones as I know I’m going to have to come out straight afterwards and pick one up. The end of the set draws out seemingly forever, and I realise that the vocalists Jon and “Bloody” Kev have both left the stage. As the final blast from the drums and the dying feedback from the guitars fades, I spot the a microphone lying in a tangle of wires and hope it’s a live one.

Stepping onto the stage, I call for a cheer for Speedhorn from the crowd, which they duly deliver. After announcing the winning ticket number – Green 69 – I make sure the remaining crowd knows that the club is open until 1am and tell them about the festival website, the forums and ask for feedback so we can continue on and make this the best metal festival in the UK. This illicits a huge roar. We know we’ve done it. Success. I even get a chant of “Phil Phil Phil” from a large group of boardies at one side of the stage as I’m trying to leave, so go over and shake hands before getting off stage. Ecstatic I leave the backstage area and shimmy over to the bar, where the rest of the team are. There are hugs and happy faces all around. Jay (FourwayKill’s guitaritst) wants to play again next year. Chris (the guitarist from Biomechanical) is there and they want to play next year. I catch up with Justin and Pin from SikTh, who look to have throroughly enjoyed themselves and have a laugh about their intro being so minimal that you couldn’t hear it.

The next hour or so is spent on the dancefloor, chatting excitedly and grinning like a loon. Everyone has enjoyed it, spirits are high. As the evening winds down I attempt to find our fridge, which is tucked away in Emtombeds dressing room, and as they’re leaving now they let us take all the food that is left inside. When we’re finally booted outside there is still a huge crowd, mostly boardies, who are going to try and find a pub. My feet are sore, I have hardly sat down all day and the boots I chose to wear arent’ the most comfortable so Carrie, Bri & I decide to hop in a cab and get back to the apartment. We say our goodbyes to friends old and new as we load our stuff up and disappear into the night, leaving behind one of the best days of my life.

So. Who are we going to book for next year? I guess we’d better start thinking about it. But… not just yet.